That little snap drew little more then a bemused gaze from the angel, one of his eyebrows lifting as he watched her seething and snarling in her little lizardy voice. But throughout her ranting, he refrained form speaking, because the words that were coming out of her snapping jaw were telling, and upsetting, and his expression softened. Her sudden ire was, if not strange, certainly something he could respect, given that it seemed to come from a place of concern for the demon. Lord knew, there were countless times in the past when he had wished there were someone who could be a...well, "guardian angel" for Crowley, for all those times when he was on his own and things weren't going his way, when Aziraphale couldn't keep an eye on him himself.
He tried to take some kind of comfort out of that familiar embarrassed reaction, but the implications of what she was saying - that he had been the one to cause Crowley this pain, that he was the reason for whatever had happened to him - had made him feel as if his stomach had dropped right into his feet, and when he saw the way he hesitated as he reached for his sunglasses and heard that frantic, hissed plea, his face fell before he could hide it as a horrible sense of deja vu overcame him.
"Oh Crowley." This wasn't just an invitation to go get dinner. He'd heard that same desperation from him before, and to think that whatever he was feeling was sending him back full circle to the inescapable need to run away he'd had a week before was viscerally painful. He couldn't even reassure him that he was safe, the way he wanted to, because he didn't know what had happened between the last time they'd parted ways and now to have put him in this state. "Let's just go to the bookshop, I won't let anything happen to you there. Whatever's going on, I promise, the last thing I want is to hurt you."
Everything he was learning was only in snips and pieces, and without the full picture, it was just familiar enough that he could almost understand what the lizard meant when she accused Aziraphale of hurting him. Because he had, hadn't he? But there was so much more to what was going on that he didn't know, and it felt like something so much bigger then simply the lingering hurt from being rejected when Crowley had needed him the most.
He rested his hand gently on his shoulder, wrapping his arm around his back to hold him close, but doing his best to angle his wing just a little farther away, allow just enough distance between them that his tiny, protective passenger wouldn't feel quite so cornered and that Crowley would be able to pull away if he did something wrong.
"Would it make you feel better if I used a miracle to take us home more quickly?" The last thing he wanted was to just act on the urge he had to snap his fingers and take them to the bookshop in the blink of an eye, only to cause his friend's very strong flight reactions to kick in when he didn't expect the sudden change. He didn't care how large of a miracle it was, not anymore. Heaven and their bookkeeping could take his frequent miracles and stew on them for all he cared. But it would be counterproductive, to try and take him to a place he hoped he would feel safe, only to have it send him running instead.
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rosecarmine
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Date: 2020-04-06 06:45 am (UTC)He tried to take some kind of comfort out of that familiar embarrassed reaction, but the implications of what she was saying - that he had been the one to cause Crowley this pain, that he was the reason for whatever had happened to him - had made him feel as if his stomach had dropped right into his feet, and when he saw the way he hesitated as he reached for his sunglasses and heard that frantic, hissed plea, his face fell before he could hide it as a horrible sense of deja vu overcame him.
"Oh Crowley." This wasn't just an invitation to go get dinner. He'd heard that same desperation from him before, and to think that whatever he was feeling was sending him back full circle to the inescapable need to run away he'd had a week before was viscerally painful. He couldn't even reassure him that he was safe, the way he wanted to, because he didn't know what had happened between the last time they'd parted ways and now to have put him in this state. "Let's just go to the bookshop, I won't let anything happen to you there. Whatever's going on, I promise, the last thing I want is to hurt you."
Everything he was learning was only in snips and pieces, and without the full picture, it was just familiar enough that he could almost understand what the lizard meant when she accused Aziraphale of hurting him. Because he had, hadn't he? But there was so much more to what was going on that he didn't know, and it felt like something so much bigger then simply the lingering hurt from being rejected when Crowley had needed him the most.
He rested his hand gently on his shoulder, wrapping his arm around his back to hold him close, but doing his best to angle his wing just a little farther away, allow just enough distance between them that his tiny, protective passenger wouldn't feel quite so cornered and that Crowley would be able to pull away if he did something wrong.
"Would it make you feel better if I used a miracle to take us home more quickly?" The last thing he wanted was to just act on the urge he had to snap his fingers and take them to the bookshop in the blink of an eye, only to cause his friend's very strong flight reactions to kick in when he didn't expect the sudden change. He didn't care how large of a miracle it was, not anymore. Heaven and their bookkeeping could take his frequent miracles and stew on them for all he cared. But it would be counterproductive, to try and take him to a place he hoped he would feel safe, only to have it send him running instead.